Don't Tell Me What to Do!

How do you feel when you are told to perform your duties better? When you are constantly judged on what kind of mother are you; when you are blamed if the baby is not eating. For god sake! If the child doesn’t want to eat what am i suppose to do? The baby is almost three years old now and you cannot force her if she doesn’t want to eat. Just because I am her mother do you think I have magic wand and all I have to do is to tap it and baby will eat?

I fail to understand, what kind of cheap thrills one gets by sending other people on a guilt trips. When they just go on like a broken record...you are a bad mother...you are a selfish mother...I say FUCK YOU!!

Dude, i know what kind of mom i am; i don’t owe you an explanation. And nagging me doesn’t make you any better at parenting and If you are so upset about me not feeding her why don’t you take the plunge and do it? Oh, but then you have your reasons...right? She doesn’t eat when you try?? And what in the fucks name give you a right to nag me? Am I any different? How do you suppose that i will be able to feed her? She will eat when she wants; didn’t her doctor say the same thing?

What is it you want from me? I am tried on your mood swings; grow up and act like a mature person!

Is "i love u" too personal detail?

My blog is like my personal diary, and people tend to write what ever they feel like on their diaries. But every time I write about my feeling for my boy friend on my blog, he does not like it and eventually I have to delete the post or comment containing my feeling for him.



Is my blog not mine enough that I can write freely on it? Why do I have to take permissions from other people if I can write something or not? All I wish to write that I love him a lot, is it too much of a personal detail to not to be disclosed? If you don’t like something don’t read it, why some people like to spoil others mood?

What a weekend it was :)

This weekend was one of the wonderful weekends I ever had. I enjoyed it so much. Laughed a lot, made some of the most meaning remarks, teased, grinned, was happy, sad, ,in short experienced almost all emotions in these two days. Woke up little late on Saturday but unpredictably my Bf called me around 12:15 or something which means calling real early for a lazy bum like him. So the surprises started happening from 12:15 on Saturday


Had the most fantastic time with him, we laughed like mad. I can’t disclose one what things as I have swear on him. Ha ha ha ;-)( I have not put any link on your name Sanna ;-P.)

We eat out at Delhi Heart, a place he almost loathes. So I couldn’t even complain about those stale momo’s I had..uukkkkkkk…horrible :-X, wonder what has happened to that Nagaland Stall, it used to have most delicious momo around Delhi. Anyway….
Came back home quite late, skipped my guitar class too.




On Sunday as usual woke up late, watched Harry potter the first part, than washed my formal cloth, took me whole (BLODDY) day to clean them. Ahhhhh Poor me! Sanna (My BF) called me little late as expected and we made a plan to meet around 7pm, but that plan could not be materialized as I had to go to market to collect my formal shirt, I was out till 8:30Pm so we postponed out meeting to Monday

At night we had fight (Sanna and I) over something, I apparently irritated him, so he snapped the line, and that is some thing I hate to core. So I put a sms as expected out of me, he called back. But as every one knows girlfriends never make up in first call so he called me again (well he is smart) in some time. Than we chatted for a long time and his plan to watch a movie at night went for a toss. I think he watched some part of the movie.

So I had a emotion packed weekend, and it was as I said wonderful.

Today is Monday I am back in office two of my clients stories have make it to Economic Times front page so I am happy.

Well time to get back to work………..

Wow, that was a weekend. :)

So Happy

I think the weather has done its wonder on me; I am in cheered up mood. Happy about absolutely nothing, and believe me it’s such a great feeling.

Well, yes a friend of mine (Anupam) has promised to gift me a Great Dane. I checked out this dog’s pictures on the net as I had no idea what a Great Dane looks like. I was more than happy to see it. It’s a fabulous, huge dog. Wow. The whole evening I was planning that how am I going to take care of it, train it, and stuff... Funniest part is I even dreamt about it. This cute little puppy shitting all over my room.:)

I can't wait to have this puppy, I am also thinking about what name to give him. Thanks Anupam in advance for this :). Well I am writing your name and thanks so that you don’t break your promise. Smart trick, isn’t it??

Thanks good for making me so happy, for making me so privileged, and for every thing.

Bullshit People

Once again I have changed the name of my blog. It’s kind of attempt to run away from some people, let's see how successful would I be. Saturday and Sunday were very very lazy days. Almost slept the whole day, but this slow lazy weekend was really good after a mad week (working week).

I suddenly felt there is no use of paying attention to people, who are too occupied with them selves or their hobbies. This particular person told me that people should not meet every day and should pursue their hobbies. So I asked him, does it mean you will not get married at all, as than you will have to see your wife every day? And as far as giving space is concerned, you hardly speak to me during the day. You call me for half an hour at night and than blog till 2:30 -3 at night, on weekends you wake up around 2:30, 3 o'clock as you were surfing till late night. Then once you are through with other things in your life you call me at 6 in the evening and ask me to meet you. How much more space do you want, and you still think that you can’t breath, you are suffocated, and you can’t take decisions in your life. How funny. But now I have given all the space to this person, as I have decided not to speak to him ever.

First time I was not feeling bad after listening to all this bullshit. Infact I am in a god mood. Working happily and looking forward for good things in life.

:)

Happy To Have You Back

Darling Blog,

Welcome back.

I am so happy to have you back, i had no idea that you mean so much to me. But once i deleted you i felt like i have killed my best friend. How know so much about me and familiar with all my feelings.

I love you so much
:-*
Hugs & Kisses

And thanks a ton to Blogger for restoring it. :-*

Learn to love yourself

Got a lesson from a friend that as long as you don't let go of something, how would u ever know if u deserve or can get some thing better. It’s so true but then it’s easy to say then practice. Just imagine you are in love with some one who doesn't care about you much or doesn’t pays as much attention as you deserve, but then you are deep in love with that person. Can you leave him/her to get /find some one better??

I don't think anyone would do it, to be put correctly can do it. Only time can teach us how to let go of such people. As I believe its better to get hurt once and cry our heart out then getting hurt every day, because this person did not do some thing he/ she should have.

We all should learn to love or not to love some body according to how we are being treated. I don't believe in philosophy like we shall love people irrespective of how they treat us. One should learn to love oneself, and once you have learned the art, no one can possibly hurt you, as you would not let anyone hurt you.

Till the time we don't learn to love our self we can keep our self occupied so that we don't think too much about the person concerned. As we start decreasing the time we give to this person, we start becoming independent. We depend lesser on this person which is a great achievement, and then one fine day we become free bird. Then no such person ever matters to us. So the aim is to become a free bird, now whatever path you chose depends on you.

So, be happy.

:)

Horrible day

Today was horrible day. was working like an ass the whole day, was working on 4 clients. My god some time wonders what does these people expect out of me?? world?? so many calls from clients from other offices from journalists, ohhh felt like a call center employee. Dont have any energy left to speak. :(. writing this post that latter on i could remember that i worked so much and what a day it was. ;)

Some time i think i am not able to make some people understand. I don't mean to interview anyone, but i think i tend to forget sometimes that i don't have no right on anyone to ask them even simple questions like why did you call me?? or you angry.
but thats what life is all about.

Right now listening to "Had a Bad Day song" and "every breath you take". finding these songs very soothing. Don't know what is wrong now a days with a Friend of mine and i , we end up fighting for trivial things. Is there lack of understanding or i dont know if some kind of hint. What ever it is i am not ready for it. But then its life and fate so why would any one listen to me i am to insignificant.

Just wonder sometimes what is it Thai mata has in mind for me. Why have i become to emotionaly weak now a days. Why do i cry on every time on such things when i know some people are rude they don't care about other's emotions and they find emotional people fool, weak and unhappy from within , and emotions are nothing but dramas and tantrums for them.

I am trying to be strong, but in vain. Where is that real me who used to be very strong? Gotta find her.

Well enough being depressing, anyways who cares!
:)
lets see what lies ahead for me.... has to be something good.

Back 2 Work

Back to work. Been to Himachal my home town for five days. Weather was so pleasant, we had to take blanket at night. Met my relatives after a long long time. Wow it felt good.On Friday we went to Murarati Devi, which is at the peak of a very high mountain. Road was horrible, but it was fun going there. View from the top( murari devi temple) was beautiful, we could see Sundernagar Lake, and lot of other places( i don't know the names) from there. On Saturday we visited THAI MATA, my favourite goddess. As usual i asked for lot of things from her. Which i am sure i will get and i dont get them i would get something better. :)

We came back on Monday morning, and i could not even take an off as i had lot of work in office. So while working my beautiful Himachal was flashing on the back of my mind.

But, what to do??.... Ohh just remember i have lot of work lined up.
Should get back to it, if i don't wish to stay back.


:)

Wat do u do when ur sad?

Hey...
what do u guys do when your sad, feeling low, and feels like if the whole world is after you to let you down??

well...
music really cheer me up. Just some time back i was crying feeling low, and now I'm high spirited girl once again, listening to rock.

So what do u guys do when feeling low??
Eat chocolates,
Go shopping,
Chat over phone for hours and hours
watch movie
curse the one responsible for this
cry in a corner
Wat Wat Wat.....

Do let me know...

Cheers...
keep smiling, and winking:)

Just wat i wanted :)

just in this post i am going to write about some one , once and for all. story begins some thing like...

we met through his blog, became friend and then more then just friends. He would chat with me during the day on Gmail, and would call me at night (as he would be very busy during the day) talk a lot about what we will do together, go camping, spend night looking at stars, and lot of good things. But as soon as i got in to relation ship with him, he was too busy to chat, but still would call me as usual at night only night. So i started saying call me during the day too, if not for long then just for a minute to say hi. So after much hue and cry he started that, he would call me in the morning around 10:30 for a minute and say hi, how are u , ok bye continue working. And some times during lunch(1 min.) to inquire had lunch?? and then would come to pick me in the evening and drop me home. But some times he would hardly talk as he would be tired just pick me from my office and drop me home.

I never asked him to call me for 5 minutes, all i asked was to call me twice a day even for a minute just to say hi, but may be that was too much of asking.

Once hooked to his net he would not even care to send a msg to me, and initially i used to call him once a while during the day but all the time he would be very busy so i stoped calling him.

he sent me a msg around one at night on Friday" hi sweets i have messed up my website big time, i hope i have kept a backup in my office so tomorrow i will go to office in morning and check" So he went to office, worked on his site and did not bother to send me a msg only the whole day, and den called me around quarter to five and asked hey u going for ur guitar class... i ll come to pick u. i said no no u work on ur blog i will come back on my own...

But he came to pick me around 6, 6:15 and then we go to reliance store as his data card was giving some problems. I sat in his car when he went to the store, as i wanted to stay alone, all this time i was thinking what has happned to me, y do i let this guy treat me like an option, when nothing better to do then he come to see me or call me. So i decided i have had enough, so once he was back in his car i asked him to drop me at a bus stand , but at a jamm(before bus stand) i got off his car took my guitar, and took an auto home.

He did not call me after that, then when he was tired of his blogging his net surfing , have had enough of sleep, he started sending me msgs at night(on Sunday, after a day and a night), dat y are u always angry with me? wat did i do.... so after some time i msged back...hey you must have had sleep all day, blogged all evening now when ur not sleepy don't you have some thing better to do??



And today he sent me the most rude email of my life, telling me that Know what, you only know what you want..what you want and what you want...... and if i don't love my self, no one can make me happy...as im not happy from with in... i want him to Call me in the morning, call me in noon, meet me in the evening, call me before sleeping...is there anything I can do besides this relationship in my life?...I don't need all this nonsense in this world. You have placed yourself against the website as if it is some sort of 'other girl' in my life. I have never seen someone getting insecure over her boyfriend's hobby.




Know wat the most stupid and silly thing is that it made me cry....when i should not have given a damn, how silly of some one to even think that i would be jealous of his blogg, OMG...but then dont we learn from our mistakes???


So much for my happy ending....

:)

Pheww Tired

oh tired of deleting my blog posts, already deleted 23 posts, don't know how many more to go.:)

hmmm....reason?? Trying to start my life once again from de start. so let bygones be bygones. Right?

hey yesterday was my first guitar class. know what my batch mates are 2nd and 3rd standard kids...what a luck...

have lot to write...would write soon :)
cheers
bella

What to write?

Hey,

Its been long since i have not written anything. and i would like to justify this,so the reason for me not been able to write anything
1) Too much work[:(]
2) Paying lot of attention to my boyfriend.
3) Nothing to write about[;-)]

Well i still have work but then i realise i can always squeeze out 10 minutes for my darling blog(whom no one read, as its not public)
Had fight with my so called boyfriend and we are not talking to each other anymore.
And the third point, one can write about anything, there are thousands of things in life you can write about.

Like I'm writing right now[;-)]

well i have finally decided to make my blog public. I know lot of people are going to hate me and ask me to delete this boring, blog, but i am not going to delete it and i don't plan to bore people to death, but irony is that i always end up doing so.
So much for this time.

bye bye

:-( Sad

why im in dis state of mind? wat should i do y i want to go to some unknown place, sit dere alone, play "u had a bad day" song, do nothing but to stare blankly at sky and far far away. im in such a bad mood today. Where is the happiness?



.....................................................................................

Confusing Wat Is Real

Life is sometimes so confusing. My mommy doesn't like this guy. May be because there is lot of cultural difference, and he is the oldest,got lot of responsibilities, and all . my Jiju who said, he will always be on my said, actually think i cant survive with him, so many things, marriage is one big decision and wat not. My colleagues think that i should sit and think over it. i should not make my parents unhappy, they the only one who actually love me, and they have a valid point.

WTF, its my life yaar. Let me decide for my self. Well the question is wat is it i want..hehehehe.

okey okey....lets do this, how about i stop talking to this guy for a week, and c if i miss him or not. The stupid filmy think like, think who do u want to spend ur life with, who do u c ur self growing old wid does not work for me. I have to think ..think...but not in a mood now.

May be some time latter, or y to think at all, i will my destiny only. So time to cheer up.

Y am I Sad?

Cant figure out the reason, y m i so sad? For some one who don't really care for me. Shame on me. May be this relation was never meant to be. May be he don't really need me. May be all this time i was clinging to him so much. I think he don't even like my company, i always knew some thing is wrong with me i am very difficult person, and no guy can ever be with me.

How can i forget that he asked me out on Saturday, first time during the day around 1:30 or two o'clock. We covered about 32km(one way) for a movie hall but we could not get the tickets so he drove me back and asked me to go home.Its not he was busy or some thing but he said here is nothing to do so u go home, and i ll also go home and rest. I could simply make out he was too bore to talk to me. Otherwise who else will do that.Its like he don't like my company, and is very bored of me so he avoid meeting me during the day time. He will always fix a meeting around six or seven in the evening, have dinner and drop me home.
My ego is completely crushed under his foot.i am like some toy to him. But i think i should now have some respect for my self, and leave dis guy alone. I have already disturbed him enough. Even if it make me sad...i dont have any other option.
Thank you very much for your time, but i dont need it anymore.
Wish you luck...
Enjoy.

wow..wat a feeling :-)

As soon as i come to office and saw the media activity docket, i was so angry.. i had to open it and then get lot of coverage’s pasted on our letter head , and the sequence was also not right :-X.. but i still did not say a single word and help this guy with every thing. Then after doing all that and handing over the presentation i made yesterday, my boss told me he will go alone for the meeting as he may need a backup so i had to stay back :X...
.... still weather is very pleasant, so we( A friend & I) went out to have coffee, then suddenly we started talking about our love lives. and .
She asked me what is it i like in him? and i said every thing ... i don't like his net surfing and bloggin, specially when he steal on my time for dis :) and he sleeping till 1:30 on holidays , when he is suppose to be up and ask me out:). i told her how cute is he, and how cute he looks when he mispronounce... :), and how we have met.

We have met through some blog, and i missed my media rounds coz i loved chatting to him, and how i used to lie that i am married and have a kid too. Then on day he told me dat he is getting married and will be out of town for one month. Though i did not know him dat time but still felt little bad, but said ok and congratulated him.;-) then after some time he told me about him and give me his no. too. Then the other day i also gave him my no. and showed him my pict and he also showed me his pict on orkut, he was not looking good in that pict. and then we decided to meet one day, i was feeling if should go and meet him or not as i did not like his pict. ;-) but still i dont know y i went and met him. when i saw him i was so happy as he is very cute and "chinki"(dont kill me for addressing u as CHINKI)and den i was little scared as he gave me quite scary pict of manipur. Once i was home he called me and asked me if i am scared or if i don’t like him, and i said no im not scared and i like u . :-), we started sharing a lot of sms , once we were messaging, i got tiredso i called him and said im tired of typing msgs. and we started chatting and kept on talking till my balanced died. But then he called me and we spoke for a long time. Since den we start speaking every night. he even come to pick me all de way to my office which was very far and i found it very cute. Though none of us would tell other that i love u, but i know we used to like each other a lot. Or why would he come down to pick me or call me without fail. I would wait for his call i used to sleep at nine o'clock but for his call i have waited till 1:30 at night :-). then every time at night i will ask him tell me ...tell me tell me ...and he would be like wat?? ru mad bella? go to sleep... and every morning i will send him message saying i m sorry for last night i dont mean anything. hahaha...so den he started asking me do u drink at night ?? idiot... :-) we will discuss that wat is happening it should not happen and we are fast but not say it..hahah...till one fine day we could not suppress it anymore...

I love de way we met it may be little scary to meet some one u met on net and trust that person to sit in his car the very first time. But i did every thing i advise all my friends not to do...and im so happy that i did it...and i m so thank full to thai mata who made me meet him. I love u...:-*

Wat a weather

Weather is very beautiful today...just rained about five minutes back. Its not cold but very pleasant,but the saddest part is i am sitting here in my office and working.[on blog ;-)]. i wish i could get my childhood days back, when we used to run through the field during rain(in Himachal)and play in muddy Paddy field, and get all dirty..wow those were absolutely beautiful days. I remember once i got a ghastly cut in my feet as i was not wearing shoes coz i wanted to feel the mud, and i did not even realised that i cut my foot till the time i saw blood...oh my god i was all bloody and i started crying awfully.:-) and scared all the kids.
suddenly, my mind seems to be taken up by the reminiscences of childhood gaiety and and anguish. [:)]...and its a beautiful feeling.

We had a grape vine (very old one) in our courtyard(Himachal), and as i was older to my brother by two and half years i could climb on it( infact a fig tree which dis vine has used for support) and my brother couldn't. So he would wait for me to throw grapes to him. So once i was up on the tree and my brother (whom i address as VEER) was waiting down, but i was being greedy eating all the big ones and was not throwing even a single grape to him. So after waiting for 15-20 minutes he got real pissed off wid me. He said either u throw so grapes or i am going to hit u with a stone, he was holding one pebble. So i said go ahead and started laughing on him as he was very young, and i though he couldn't hit me no matter how hard he try, but to my surprise he threw the stone on me which hit me right on my teeth and one of my front teeth fall down , while the other hung on as by 5% roots still attached. [:)] and i was bleeding like hell. Veer was very scared to see the blood and run away, as i was crying (in fact hauling) my mom came rushing, she was shocked to see me and asked wat happened, i depicted he whole story of course favouring to me :) den she pull of my other tooth too. and i was toothless for some moths and waited anxiously for new teeth. As for veeer...i actually don't remember if got the bashing or not..but I'm sure he must have got....
:-)

Women.....

women...ya dats wat I'm.

u know wat a woman want?? no no she don't want expensive gifts, eating out, watching movies, long drives...none of all these. Wat she want is time... emotional security. I know, only i can make myself happy. u dont need to tell me dis.Don't tell me wat should i do.. who should i go around wid, i can decide for my self. I know wat should i do wat i shouldn't.

But dont u know a woman can lead u to love...an den decide if to take u r leave u?? :-)
do u think women are very weak?...think again...dey r not...dey r stronger den men..or y on de earth do u think god blessed women with ability to give birth?? She can care for u more den u yourself can...she can love u more den anything,even u cant think of...but u know de irony only she can also break ur heart carelessly and laugh while u going through terrible pain....
If she loves u don't think she is an idiot. U never know when she changes her mind...and become cruel. :-)

Happy Women's Day

Had a lot of fun yesterday (International women's day. All of us(my female colleagues)decided to wear skirts and some thing black...either the skirt or the top.
But 3 of us ditched dem..i wore a dark blue denim skirt and pretend as if all this time i was thinking its black..and wore a pink tee[;-)]..one of the girl wore grey skrt fringed wit black lace & white tee:) and another one of us [ditcher] wore some colour full skirt wid with one or two small black flower on it & white Kurti ;) rest were wearing sum thing black...then we went out for lunch, and first time in my life i had Bacardi breezier.i was not high or something but my head became little heavy.Then we played some rock songs at office. latter in the evening he come to pick me. i introduced him to all my colleagues. then we(p.n &i) had dinner at pizza hut and he dropped me home...so all in all yesterday was fun...

p.s.- all my colleagues was saying dat i don't behave like girl, i don't stand, walk. talk or act like them:-X
but den p.n. finds me very feminine...:-)...well dats more den enough for me. :-)