This one is for...hmm...ME!

Isn’t it a great feeling, when you wait with a bated breath just to chat with a friend? Why does this happen?  And oh boy! How you don’t want this to be over, but you know what, you know all this will be over sooner than later. So you pray even harder for it not to be over. And then you get more scared of the fact that it will. And this is, I tell you, is a vicious circle. The whirlwind!

I think, the problem with our species is being ungrateful and greedy all the time, you want something bad enough, but when you get it you lose all  the respect for it. And there, now you want something else! Sometimes I feel bad for god, poor thing; must be going crazy up there with our volatile minds and demands. But didn’t you ask for something else, just the opposite, like ten minutes back- he would have asked us, only if he too had a telephone.

Okay so back to what I was discussing; it’s a great feeling, very fulfilling, to have a friend with whom you can be yourself, share you joys and doubts, without the fear of being coming across as an arse, talk about your problems you wouldn’t even discuss with you siblings and be assure that your secrets are not going anywhere. But the problem is the thin line between friendship and something else, and we just being mortal get confused at times.  Lets again blame god for making us this confusing…couldn’t he chose some nice, intelligent, clear-headed man for our genes pool, why oh why did he limited it to Noah?

How I keep derailing from the essential topic; so I was saying, that how do you make sure that you stay friends for life- for I have a few friends I do plan to retain lifelong. And again, why do you want a specific one to be your best friend and best friend for life? Isn’t as a rule your spouse should be your best friend?  Doesn’t everyone preach you so? But the problem is how are you going to bitch about your spouse with him/her only? Didn’t I raise the most pertinent questions?  (oh I could have been a lawyer but end up being a big lair)

I am bad at retaining friends; I have a bad history of having loony friends. I somehow attract wrong and mean people, but then who cares. Life is all about committing mistakes and not learning from those.  Who wants to waste time learning and remembering and then trying not to commit the same mistake again? For starters I Don’t  and I never will!

Anyway, I’m not coming to conclusion; this blog is not about conclusions and answers and logic. It is about writing down my random thoughts and then read them once I’m 60 and count my friends and see if I still think the same.

Here’s to the Most Opinionated Person in Office

He might be a person with a condescending attitude and an opinion about everything in life- from office loo to ‘much expected’ clients. But I have started to like his company off late, because he, I have seen, can strike interesting conversations with anyone and everyone.  Actually, I’m his evening driverJ. I drop him off till CR Park , and during this 45 minutes drive we have fascinating conversation on what needs to be changed  in this country to this company.

We rant about our day and pass opinions and comments about other people and  colleagues. Only yesterday, he was telling me about this girl in office, and to quote him, “what a beauty she is, and I fail to understand why all the guys in this office are idiots; why are they not eyeing her?” and he being he will not buy any of the explanations such as what is she already has a BF (it’s her prob- says him) or what if they all have GFs (  they are wasting their time and are idiots then). I think, he must be regretting that he is married, well though he did not say so…hehehe.

oh! by the way he doesnt find this other 'quite pretty' girl in office pretty, coz as per him she is dumb, and a dumb women can never be attractive. :D

But all in all, he is a good company, some times a bit annoying and mostly loud, but he is an intelligent  guy  and like me has a thing for bitching and cribbing. :D

P.S.- You better not start on  politics or sports with him, he can talk about it without eating or drinking for days…he is a BONG!

I'll Still Live My Life How I Want To...

Read on twitter how Amit Mitra current Finance Minister of West Bengal kind of put the blame on a woman who was raped because she had gone to a night club, she is separated from her husband, leaving kids at home.

What I fail to understand and, I think, people don’t even make an effort to understand is that because you are a woman don’t you even have a right on your own life? What is wrong with people? I am in no mood to bash Amit Mitra or call him chauvinist. I just want people to respect each other. Because this woman is an estrange wife and a mother…cant she go to night club and enjoy life? Does it make her a bad person? Will one has to pay with her dignity for this?

Our parents, families are forced to take extra care of us, women. Will my dad check and try to make all the arrangements when my brother goes out of station? Will he come with driver to drop him at airport at 3 in the morning? But even if my dad makes all this extra efforts, I wonder, if he can breathe easy till the time I’m back home. And now my husband is in my dad’s shoe. I love my dad…my husband… but I hate it that even now they have to worry about me…no matter how many times I tell them I will manage…I can see it in their eyes they are concerned.

Will this ever stop? I think only with me gone… because people will never stop looking at women as more than an object and not a human being. Rules for women are different…if she goes out at night… she is responsible for the trouble she gets into…if she drinks meet male friends she deserved to be raped…and looked down at.

But I refuse to live how society wants me to…and I don’t care what you categorize as virtue and vice. I am going to live my life how I want it…doing things I want to do…because my life is the only thing I have complete right on.

Daily battle between GOOD and BAD

Sometimes, I wonder who decides Good and what is Bad? Shouldn’t all the things that make you happy be put in the ‘GOOD’ category? Well, then what if, punching someone in face makes me happy. Ofcourse, it can’t be considered GOOD. Okay, so how about something which makes me happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, as long as people don’t get to know about it, can it be considered GOOD??

or should I say, is it okay to lie to your loved ones because you don’t want to hurt them, because you know your action are going to hurt them badly?

I know you will think, why do something which you know will hurt your loved ones, anyway? But I ask you, cross your heart and tell me honestly, is it easy to refuse happiness?

Be it going for those secret shopping trips or meeting friends anything?
But my question is how far can you go…

Ahh Silly Me!

I think, I am done with this world! I am done with everyone. Done letting people make me feel bad, crash my confidence, treat me like shit, and all of that. They say in hindsight everyone is wiser, but me, ohh silly me, just defy all this.

This is all because of me, because I gave you right to make me feel and treat like shit. Make me feel like committing suicide.  Cut my veins or consume cup full of pills or jump in Yamuna, and die a dog’s death.

But the thought is over, and I am still alive, writing this. Sorry I have failed you, because I did not cry myself horse, so what if I was teary eyes- you could not have seen me from 1500 miles away.

I am instead going to go someplace calm, nice place and just think, if all this is worth it?

Darling- I am going to change, but not for you this time …for ME!

My Day

I made a record today! Today, first time in my life, I woke up at 4am (had to go to airport). Never ever before, even during final exams, I made such an effort. Yet, I went back to sleep at 5am, over slept, and reached office at 11am.
Day at office had been good so far until this thing happened.
There is a disagreement on an annul plan between my boss and the corporate communications lady and what is worst they both are talking to me instead of talking to each other. While my boss wants me put something in the plan the lady is asking to remove that thing entirely and put something else. My boss is bit flexible here and is okay if I incorporate the suggestion this lady is making.
Now I don’t know who to please the corp. comm. or the boss, or shall I instead make two different plans and send each what they want. Actually it seems to be a nice idea! :)
Let’s see what I do finally.
Ohh yeah one more of my fish has died today! :(

The Outgrown Kid I Have Adopted ;-)

Hey, this is the picture of my son, Emilio. I have adopted him a few weeks back. Well, my husband has never seen or met him but I am sure he would love to have an earning kid. :)
Wow, i can't stop thinking about what all i can do with my son's money. Anyway this post is about him not me, so hmmm, he is a nice kid. Cute little bald guy. Who is trying his best to look sexy here :P. and ya he keeps playing pranks all the time. Hope it's enough son?? Is it?? :)

So Much To Do, So Little Time

Hmm, while twittering today, I realized, I have to do so many thing. I have to join back my guitar classes which I quit few months back for no apparent reason.. Second session of my salsa classes will begin from this Friday. (They have raised the fee too :( ). In addition I am not very happy with my current tattoo. It’s too small. I wonder if it looks like a butterfly or a moth. So I have decided to get one more and this time I going to get a lot bigger tattoo, on my lower back. I have decided the design too. Now, I just have to convince my husband as he thinks I will get some sort of infection or something.
I have just read some where today, I can’t recall where, it says 20 years down the line you will be unhappy for the things you did not do now than for the thing you did do.
So, my god, I have to do so many things. Just thinking where to start from?? :)

I am loving it :)

I am writing after a long long time. All this time I was too busy with personal and professional life of mine. On personal front my parents are talking about my marriage with my boyfriend. My parents have met my beau’s mother and sisters. So one can understand how busy I must have been.
On professional side I have shifted from financial and life science PR team to technology team. Well, though I am more than excited to handle tech. clients, nevertheless, I don’t know anything about technology. I am a tech moron, as my BF calls me, and all this time I was happy that I know how to send /read an email or how to chat [where to chat ;-)] and a little bit about bloggin. However, now it seems, I have to work hard. Learn about technology atleast about the things in which my clients operate. I used to get bore whenever my beau try to teach me or talk about technology. But yesterday I asked him to help me understand what data centre is?

All in all a lot of things are happening in my life…and so far I like it.

Anger is a dreadful thing, well now i know

My health was down for last few days. I was at home all the time; I spent most of my time sleeping and rest reading a novel called “FOREVER”. I have read some 267 pages of this novel and have reached to a level of addiction. There is so much suspense and lot of murder happening and all that.




But my bad luck I tore this novel apart in pieces following some verbal altercation with my mother. I hate it when some one mistreat my books or throw them. And my mother did exactly same, she threw my novel off the sofa when I had gone to the other room to change. I don’t know what happened to me when I listened that “thud”. I came dashing to the room my mom was in, and I picked the book tore it and threw it off the window. Then I went mad I picked all those precious gifts I have got and smashed them on the floor.


Oh I loved those gifts and I have put them on the table besides my bed. Well, about after an hour when I was cool down I asked my nephew to go and get pieces of the novel, which I though still be laying on the ground, but to my disappointment some rag picker had already took them from there.

So Moral is in anger to just lose lose and lose……
Now I am trying to find this novel. I want to know what happens in the end.

Life Is A Bitch

Everything is so happy and wonderful, and still it is not. You have get what you needed but then you don't have what you want. In fact you are so confused in life you don't actually know what you want. You try to live every moment. you try not to think a lot about future and decide to take things as they will come. But then is it why you say life is a bitch?

Or there are more reasons for it? Why life keep on unfolding so many mysteries every now and then. Why you cant live your life the way you always wanted to? Why there is some constraints every time for everything? Why cant we be free like birds and fly. Every day at least once i imagine my self away from everything, every one.... in a far far away land, in lush green place besides a beautiful river bank enjoying my self, running like an animal all over the green land which is beautified with most beautiful flowers in the world, then diving in river playing in water all alone for long hours. Then dressing my self with wonderful flowers and sleeping on green grass under the open sky with thousands of shining stars. It feels like heaven. But then i return to my senses and back to this man eat man world, and i ask my self what have i done to deserve this?
Here no one respect each other, women is mere a commodity for large number of men. Money speaks for every thing. But no matter how much money one has can that person buy the happiness and peace of mind i enjoy at least once a day in my dream world??

Love keeps us going

Some times life seems to be so confusing, and relationships become strange. Things go exactly opposite to how you have had planned them.

But then love keeps us alive, and I think we should not do something to hurt our loved one. We have chosen them above all other people, and can’t let go of them for any reason or thing.

I have realized happiness; fun is good as long as it’s not going to create a trouble in our relationship. In life some time you have to let go of things to run your life smoothly and to be away from complications.

Who is that guy in those “Sexy Shades”?

Yesterday Sanna (My BF) and I went to get his eyes checked. Well the eye specialist said he has to wear glasses or lenses. He being a care less guy opted for glasses (for the time being). All the time there at optician I was teasing him that now he is not only has a little paunch and is getting bald but also going to wear glasses. Sanna also bought a stunning pair of shades from there. He was looking damn good in those amazing shades.




But as I love to tease him, I was asking him repeatedly “ hey do you think it will make up for all your shortcomings??;-) For sure this is making you look hot and sexy but are you assuming I will disregard the fact that you are short tempered. ;-)
He he he…ohhh god I love teasing him. For sure he is a nice, caring guy, who loves a cartoon like me.

P.S.-If you spot a hot guy in shades you know who he is. Right? :-D

Why Life Is Like This?

Going to my home town for four or five days. Was not very happy to go there initially but now since things are not smooth with my BF, I am feeling good that I am going away from this maddening place.




So times I feel I could go to some place, far away from every body. Right now, I wish to call my mother and ask her to find some guy for me. I don’t want to come back to this place, where every body is so mean.
When I look around I see people unhappy for one or other reason, Why every one is not happy in their life. Why sad, bad things happen?

Working Hard :(

After working hard all five days of the week I get weekends (Saturdays and Sundays) for my self. But unfortunately almost every alternative weekend I am working as my clients organize all the events, parties on weekends.

I was working all Saturday in office in order to secure good coverage for one of my clients and to get P3 media for the other client’s event, which happened on Sunday.



Not only I had to work on weekends, but when I come to office on Monday morning, I came to know one of the clients interview is happening in two publications, I did not even know the venue. Both of my team members (seniors) were inaccessible, and I had to rush to the interview site after a long discussion with the other branch.

Some time I wonder am I the only person who is working so hard?

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Funny turns Life takes

Wow, its raining. Cool. I am here in my ofiice working like a slave. How i wish some time, i were a bird, or an animal. Life would have been so free and good. I could do what ever i wanted to do. No rules, No work, no peer pressure, no nothing.

Life is not so bad...

Life is not so bad anyway...it's beautiful. believe me it is you who just have to change your perception to see it. Just because this guy told me that he is sick and tired of every thing, and he has nothing to do with me, just because he said that he cant believe i am so so trivial, does not mean i will feel bad and cry....

OK i felt bad but than realise hey....why am i feeling bad?

i cant change what other think about me...right...or can i ?? or can any one?? no we cant so why feel bad, as i know i am not sick...

i am so lively so so happy. i know i am strong....so why to feel bad just because some one or the whole world think otherwise........

As long as i love my self i don't care...and i know i am going to enjoy my company for the rest of my life....so be happy...

Its My Life...not URS

Today the weather is very pleasant. But it’s putting me to sleep. I had a great day till 3:00 o’clock than he called up. We spoke for 10-15 minutes, but once he logged to his g- mail account he sounded lost, so I asked him, if he is checking his email, he said yes. So I said ok.... you check your email. He was like, ok. bye, and hung up. I found it kind of rude. Why, coz he called me, and then he put me on hold so i hung up, than he called me again when some one in his office suddenly started talking to him, he said hold a sec. and don’t hung up, and I did not. But when he log on to net I couldn't understand what happens to him.

Our relationship is very funny. I don’t understand it. We exchange a message in the morning. wishing morning and good day ahead. Some time with good mood and emotions but some time just for the heck of it…………… Than we hardly speak during the day. I used to call him some time and we use to speak fora minute or 2 , as he is always very busy. But now days I don’t call him so he calls me once or twice a day for 2 to five minutes.


Then he calls me at night around 11:30 or at 12 some time at 12:30. Once he is through with his magazines, his blog every…. Every single thing then he gives me a call. And the funniest thing is he expects me to believe me that I am his top priority and he loves me a lot…..funny hunnnnhhhh.

Ok, he comes to pick me some time, once or twice a week; we meet every Saturday and Sunday. Eat out have great time together. But I don’t feel if he really care for me. I don’t know y but I don’t think he means what ever he says. So now I am trying to be neutral. I don’t want to feel for him or any other guy. I am tired of it. I want to be independent, happy with my self. Don’t need someone to make me happy or sad…..And know what, I can do what I decide . If I cant change the world, the people around me….I can surely change my self.

Where is life taking me

It's been more than a month we have broken up or to be honest i have moved out of the relationship, 6 years, ohhh, it's a 7th year old relationship. We don't gel well, we fight like cats and dogs, we are not each other's type- these were some of the excuses i gave before breaking the news to him........ but i wonder if we didn't use to gel well, were not each other's type then how did our relationship survive for so long. when he was calling me for about a month and wanted me to come back, he did every thing he could to convince me that we can be very happy together but as usual i was confused and adamant to go back...but.

but its been more than a week he has not called me, and day before yesterday i was missing him so much. i missed the way he cared for me, i missed every thing about him, about us, i missed him getting angry on me. i missed him. But now i cant go back to him, what face would i take to him. And most important thing i don't know if i want to go back.

i like this other guy. i love him, or i think i love him. But some time i really wonder do i love him?

So, now i have left every thing on god. He will take me where ever he wants to take me. I only wish he could minimise the suffering while taking me through the rough roads....

Hmmm Life

well well...thinking where to start from . I am 26 so there is lot to write about my life, good things, bad things, things i love, i hate, my wishes, desires, mistakes, blunders.....

I used to think my life is my own, but than i realized, no its not. Its not the things i do or i say makes me happy, but also what people around me, dear to me do or say.

Not anymore in mood to write so heavy and profound things, as one of my friend is on phone and making me laugh out loud. Never knew he is so funny....all his questions are making me laugh and at times irritating me too


..... wondering why all my friends think i am so funny, and too boyish. Now a days trying my best to act like girls. [:)]

aahhh enough for today ...will write some thing crappy tomorrow.

cheers!